The ability to say “NO” more often than I say “YES” is a simple hack that has helped me overcome toxic people, time wasters and drama, which has definitely improve the overall quality of my life.Therefore, in this blogpost I will share with you 7 simple steps to help you become more effective at saying “NO” more often than you say “YES” to toxic people, time wasters and drama so as to have LESS WORRIES and ABUNDANT HAPPINESS in life.
This process starts with your ability to Lear to Prioritise.
All over the world, negativity, toxicity and drama are becoming more common than ever before. You see them on the news, you live with them in the house and all around you. So, the only way you can escape from them is by learning to set clear priorities in all aspect of your life. This include being clear about the people, goals and activities that has priority in our life. Doing this will definitely help you avoid having vacuums that could easily be filled by unwanted experiences. Also, having clarity on what’s priority in your life will make it easier for you to say ‘NO’ to everything else in life. Besides, most of us usually get easily embroiled with toxic people, time wasting habits and drama because we give so much attention to people, events, circumstances and experiences that has to real value to our life. At times, we also go about trying to change and control everyone and everything we meet in life, forgetting that doing so will deny us time, focus and energy to tend to the things that matter in our life.
So, don’t ever forget that, “If, like soap, you attempt to make everyone clean; then, like soap, you will also dwindle in the act.” Surprisingly, learning to set priorities in life is very simple as you just need to start by prioritising one major task for each day the night before you go to sleep. Then, you gradually expand to setting weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly priorities. That’s just it, and before you know it this will help you become effective at saying ‘NO’ more often to toxic people, time wasters and drama for the rest of your life.
Next, you need to Be intentional with people, places and activities you give time and attention.
Philosophers, theologians and psychologists all over the world are agreed that the number one key defining character that set humans apart from all other beings known to man is, simply, the ability to be intentional in whatever we do. This is why even in the most unpleasant circumstances like criminal investigations, the first thing law agents try to understand is: “What’s the intent or motive behind the crime.” Sadly however, many of us go about allowing life to just happen without making any effort to be intentional in what we do and the relationships we form. Well, just like I said before, there are no vacuums in life. And once you fail to intentionally seek for what will make you happy, then negative people, time wasters and drama will be the only things you have and you can’t say ‘NO’ to them. Have you ever observed that most of the people you call friends became your friends not intentionally? Also, you watch too much TV, Netflix and become engrossed in aimless drama on social media only when you don’t have any urgent priority at hand? The bottom line is that: you become effective at saying “NO” to toxic people, time wasters and drama, only if you intentionally start seeking positive people, productive activities and empowering circumstances in your life. There is no other way out other than this.
Next, you need to learn how to Set boundaries upfront.
Human societies teach us that, for us to be seen as socially refined and acceptable to others, we must as much as possible not let other see us as being confrontational or self-centred. This is one of the biggest reasons why we condoned unacceptable behaviours from others, or try so hard to fit in to the predominant social milieu around us. However, have you observed that people don’t usually respect those that are not known for anything? Most of us only respect those that we know what they stand for because we know they’re ready to fight for it if necessary. That is exactly the reason why you must also learn to set your boundaries upfront, because that is the only way people will understand what you stand for. And, it does not need to be something grandiose of spectacular.
For instance, must of my colleagues know me as that odd guy that post funny signs on the door telling people “Don’t Knock, Just Enter.” Although I’ll explain the reason why I paste the sign “Don’t Knock, Just Enter” on my doors later in this blog, just understand that. The bottom line is you should not be afraid of setting boundaries upfront; because, that’s the only way people will respect you because they know what you stand for and could possibly fight for if necessaryIn this case, a simple sustainability test will help you differentiate what to set as a boundary, which I define as: “Anything you cannot condone (repeatedly) for a long time.”
I assure you, the people that truly cares about you will readily accommodate and respect your boundaries. This is also a guaranteed way to say “NO” permanently to toxic people, time wasters and drama in life.
You can watch my YouTube video on this same topic below
The next thing you need to learn is how to Be clear and direct whenever you say “NO”.
When saying no, learn to be very clear and directIt’s always better to use “I” statements to communicate your boundaries. These usually starts with: “I don’t …, I am not …, I will not … and so on.” Also, take time to clearly explain why you are saying “NO”. You need to understand that, not being clear and direct is as good as setting people to fail in relating with you. However, there is difference between being clear and direct, and being rude.
That is why the next tip I have for you concerns the need to Focus on the positive whenever you say “NO” to people.
Many a times, people do things with good intentions we don’t like. Sometimes we also feel saying “NO” will disappoint people we deeply care about. Always, remember that saying no is not a negative thingIt is simply a way of protecting yourself and creating a more positive and fulfilling life – those that truly cares about you will understand.
Earlier, I told you most of my colleagues at work know me as the odd guy that use to paste “Don’t Knock Just Enter” on almost all my doors. Well, this is simply because each time you knock my office door you will certainly disturb my train of thoughts at that moment and I will definitely not be happy with you when you enter my office. As such, it is just like setting you to fail if I don’t warn you not to know my door.
Surprisingly, in most of the places I have worked so far, most of my colleagues will stop knocking my door after I give them this simple explanation. In a way, most of them feels that the process is empowering them in a way because it shows that I really want them to succeed and not fail whenever they reach out by coming to my office. Therefore, you should also, always, look for ways to say “NO” that are positive if possible.
Agreed some toxic people deserve to be told NO in a rude and demeaning manner.
Next, remember that the purpose of saying NO is to help you Take care of yourself, which is my next tip for you.
Common sense should tell you that, your ability to say no effectively will give you peace of mind and time to concentrate on the things that matter most in your life as well as strength both physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually to focus on becoming a better you. Remember, if you don’t take care of yourself nobody will, because everyone else is busy fighting their own demons in life. So, saying “NO” more often than “YES” is a one sure way of giving priority to your personal self-care.
Next you need to Practice saying “NO”.
Like any skill or muscle in your life, saying “NO” effectively also requires constant practice. Therefore, the best way to do it is to start learning how to say “NO” to the small stuff in life, from where you can easily graduate to saying “NO” on bigger issues. This will help you build confidence and the muscle to say “NO” effectively, then the process becomes easy.
If you want a planner to help you build this skill, check out my Harmonious Work – Life Balance Planner available on Amazon using this link – here. I assure you this planner will help you become intentional in setting daily and weekly priorities in every aspect of your life.
